Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
