Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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