It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
