you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
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your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
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Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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