I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
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I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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