last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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