I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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