Texts From Last Night

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  (517): View more from Michigan

  dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..

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  (517): dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min.. http://tfl.nu/cx5p
  Replies (2) Good night (1941) Bad night (736)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.

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  (856): If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/y6yr
  Replies (50) Good night (839) Bad night (7946)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.

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  (217): i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that. http://tfl.nu/jmlu
  Replies (43) Good night (1465) Bad night (2812)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.

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  (330): He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius. http://tfl.nu/c6ym
  Replies (36) Good night (7941) Bad night (633)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.

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  (207): hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either. http://tfl.nu/vb3y
  Replies (47) Good night (6308) Bad night (1585)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?

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  (703): Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning? http://tfl.nu/g5lh
  Replies (4) Good night (1745) Bad night (5051)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am

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  (702): So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am http://tfl.nu/tj8n
  Replies (15) Good night (1572) Bad night (3147)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?

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  (215): I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint? http://tfl.nu/8n36
  Replies (11) Good night (4419) Bad night (1000)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.

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  (705): I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler. http://tfl.nu/mskj
  Replies (6) Good night (2611) Bad night (736)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes

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  (802): stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes http://tfl.nu/hzj5
  Replies (16) Good night (761) Bad night (2021)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.

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  (712): Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled. http://tfl.nu/c6e6
  Replies (5) Good night (1517) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.

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  (313): She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home. http://tfl.nu/iyq0
  Replies (5) Good night (1357) Bad night (632)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.

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  (785): Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons. http://tfl.nu/zvq7
  Replies (1) Good night (655) Bad night (173)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr

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  (570): I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr http://tfl.nu/s0ny
  Replies (2) Good night (503) Bad night (227)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO

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  (713): My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO http://tfl.nu/1per
  Replies (1) Good night (539) Bad night (293)

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