Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
