She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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