I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
