im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
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Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
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Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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