what day is it and did you see me today?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
