almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
