Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
