matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
