Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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