My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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