He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
