and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
