If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
