I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
