I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
