ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
