so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Less talking, more tequila
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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