i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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