lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
