she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
