Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
