Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
