I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
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I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
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Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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