You were right. It hurts to walk today.
even my farts smell like vagina
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
