halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
being pregnant is like rehab
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
