Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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