At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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