So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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