my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
