Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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