spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
