I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
this beer tastes like vomit already
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
