she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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