Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
