my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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