He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
