Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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