Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
