I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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