We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
