you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
