Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
