you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
