when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
