I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
