My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dicks are not precious.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
