1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
