We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
