Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
