If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
