before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
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You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
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Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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